Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
