the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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