I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
