omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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