I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
