we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
