I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
