Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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