How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
