Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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