dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
