She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
