I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
