we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
be right there i have to get my cape
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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