Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need to calm my uterus...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
