He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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