i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
