i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sarcasm needs its own font
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize