Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
