So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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