a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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