I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
