I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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