tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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