Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
