Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Im part way to drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
