your thong is hanging out like whoa
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
