a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
