i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
