I'm drive I can fine osifer
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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