Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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