your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
