i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
