I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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