She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
