I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
