i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have fence marks all over my body
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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