you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
