I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
