im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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