sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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