Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
