I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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