she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
