kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
