Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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