can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
