I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
