Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
