His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
