you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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