OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
