How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
