FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think your dad took our porno
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
