in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
