and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well you can't waste a boner
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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