I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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