The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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