So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
