I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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