your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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