so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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