last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
