Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just gift wrapped bread.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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