when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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