I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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