I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
