You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
