i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize