Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
