I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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