Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize