I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
