Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Porn is love you can see.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
