I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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