Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
